


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,385

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [57]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:11:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: The weekly satirical saga CONCLUDES, as shocking events unfold that will forever change Ben's fate. 
Look for the FREE EBOOK coming soon, or stay informed by visiting our website and signing up for our newsletter. www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com





	

TATOOINE - Day 1,385:

I have never been happier in my life. I guess I should be feeling crappy because it's been less than five years since most of my fellow Jedi were slaughtered in cold blood. But screw it, I think I deserve some form of happiness after all the sacrifices I've made. For the last two hundred days, Chewie, Han, Luke, and myself, have been living in my hut as one big happy family. Considering that this gig started with me living alone and keeping an eye on Luke from afar, it has now turned into my own personal paradise. I have an adult companion, and we have two surrogate sons. I've taken over the traditional father role, whereas Chewie acts more like the mother, which would explain Chewie's occasional friskiness. Most importantly, there has been no drama, no Sith, no Maul, no rogue Jedi, no bounty hunters, no jealous husbands, no Hutts, no Tuskens, basically we’ve made it through two-thirds of a year without anyone trying to kill us. Amazing!

On top of all this, Beru should have given birth to our beloved love child by now, or will be shortly. I'm anxious to hear from her, or her twin sister, to find out when she'll be returning from Takodana with our child. Chewbacca and I will need to build a bigger hut, what with three adults, a fourteen and four year old, plus a new born, all living together. On the other hand, there is nothing chaining us to Tatooine any longer. 

Chewie and I sat outside, enjoying the abnormally mild weather, as Han and Luke wrestled in the sand. I loved watching those two play. They fought just like real brothers, but deep down there was a greater understanding between the two. Han being ten years older than Luke would tailor his playing style to accommodate the younger boy. Luke who didn't want to be treated like a "baby" would use the Force to gain an edge against his older buddy. 

All was right with the world, until I noticed a landspeeder making its way over the dunes towards us. "Boys, get inside!" I instructed. 

"Oh, man," Chewie said, "I'm not in the mood for any shit today."

"Me neither," I chuckled. 

Chewie stood up and stretched, showing off his awesome size to the approaching visitor. After seeing the mighty Wookiee, I half expected the guy to turn his speeder around and head in the other direction. But unfortunately, he didn't. As the human male parked, he grabbed something from off the passenger seat, Chewie reacted by lifting his bowcaster. 

"I come in peace," the young man said. The guy had to be in his late teens. He was covered in dust from head to toe, and by the idiotic expression on his face I could tell that he was dumb as a mynock. "There's a message for the big guy." He handed Chewie a data pad. 

Looking it over, Chewie responded with "Cool beans." Then handed the data pad back to the messenger. 

"And I have one here for a Bud."

The three of us stood there staring at each for several seconds. 

"Did you mean BEN?" I asked. 

"Ah yes," the messenger continued to stand there completely dumbfounded. 

"Well, that's me," I prompted the moron. 

The words on the data pad said this: "B. will be arriving today in Mos Eisley. Bring the boy." Pushing the pad into the messenger's chest, I grabbed his face and kissed him full on the mouth. The guy turned red, stumbled back to the speeder and took off. 

"Good news, man?" Chewie asked. 

"Beru is coming back today!" I shrieked. I was giddy as a Padawan who had just found his kyber crystal. 

"Awesome, dude!" Chewie gave me a larger than life space bear hug, lifting me off the ground and nearly crushing my ribs. 

"Thanks...old...friend," I managed to squeeze out as I tapped his shoulder signaling him to put me down. "What was your news?" I asked, arching my torso, attempting to bend myself back into shape. 

"Oh, there's a high stakes game of Sabacc happening tonight on Coruscant. A dude named Lando something-or-other, is playing and he apparently has some information on the whereabouts of several Wookiee slaves."

I patted Chewie on the arm because I couldn't reach his shoulder, "Well, that's great news for both of us."

"The only thing is," Chewie began, "I have no idea how to play Sabacc."

"Ah...but I do!" Han peeked his head out of the huts window. 

"Hold on little dude, the cost to get into the game is the ship you arrive in!"

"No worries fuzzball, I kick ass at Sabacc. There's no way we could lose our ship."

Chewie and Han had spent some time working odd jobs, repairing moisture vaporators and the like. They would then take their earnings and gamble until they made double or even triple what they had started with. This is how they were able to purchase their own ship. It was nothing to look at, just a simple transport, but it had a hyperdrive and some kick ass weaponry and shields, all customized by Chewbacca himself.

As Han and Chewie gathered their gear, I spoke with Luke, “We’re all going into town. The guys are headed off on a mission and we have a special visitor arriving.”

“Who? WHO?!” Luke was bouncing up and down in excitement. We never received visitors, especially ones that weren’t trying to kill us.

“Patience, young Skywalker, patience. It wouldn’t be a surprised if I went ahead and told you, now would it?”

With his head hung low, Luke kicked a rock and mumbled some kind of affirmation.

The four of us rode in silence on our way to Mos Eisley. A foreboding tension filled the air that none of us could put our fingers on, or bring to words. Even our resident smartass, Han Solo, seemed affected by it and was silent. I couldn’t help but feel that something beautiful was coming to an end, that the four of us might be forced to go our separate ways forever.

As Chewie prepped the ship for takeoff, Han, Luke and myself said our goodbyes. “I’m quite proud of you, Master Solo,” I said, to his chagrin. “You’ve come very far since your days of being a common thief and a hoodlum.”

“Thanks, old timer,” Han chuckled. “I’m sure there’s a compliment in there somewhere. I’m going to miss you too, I guess.”

Luke was tugging impatiently on Han’s vest. “Alright, alright, kid,” Han said, kneeling down to be at eye level. “What, you gonna miss me?”

Then something happened that I had never witnessed before with Luke. It seemed as if he was in some kind of trance, and spoke quietly and with great care. I could barely make out what he was conveying to Han.

“You’re going to suffer a bad head injury, but don’t worry you will recover. It will cause you to forget about Ben and I, and your time here on Tatooine. All that will matter is your friendship with Chewbacca. However, do not fear, you will be seeing us again in the future.”

Han had a completely baffled look on his face. As he stood he rubbed his head where an injury that had not happened yet, may someday be. “Ooookay, kid. That wasn’t creepy.”

Just then Chewie announced that it was time to go. “Goodbye old friend,” I said, giving him a hug. “Thank you for everything.”

“Right back at you, you righteous dude.” Just as Chewie finished his sentence, Luke had scaled up him, all the way to his shoulders. The Wookiee didn’t seem to mind that the young boy had ripped out handfuls of fur on his way up.

“I love you, Chewie!” Luke exclaimed.

“I love you too, man.” Chewie started to choke up. “Aw shit, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”

With little fanfare, but much emotion, Chewie and Han boarded their ship and were out of our lives, for the time being.

Luke and I spent quite a while walking from docking bay to docking bay, trying to locate Beru. She had not provided me any information about when she was landing or what connecting ship she would be catching. So we continued to search, until I found a clue. It was the biggest and dumbest clue I could find, but it served the purpose of letting me know that we were finally at the right place. There in a crowd of people outside of docking bay 94, stood Owen Lars. That big asshole! Why would Beru invite that jerk?! He noticed me peering at him, so he gave me a slight nod, as I fought back the urge to fling my lightsaber at him.

“Ben?!” Luke whined. “I’m sick of waiting. I want to know what my surprise…AUNT BERU!!!”

Luke ran off, and was hugging the love of my life before I had even noticed, or sensed, her. All I could see was the top of her head, leaning over Luke, but I could immediately tell that something was off. As she stood and I looked into her eyes I knew she wasn’t Beru. I mean, she was Beru, but she wasn’t at the same time. That’s when I realized that this woman was in fact Beru’s twin sister. The real Beru was nowhere in sight, and neither was my baby. I looked over at Owen and he was smiling like the goofy bastard he was. It was apparent that neither Owen nor Luke realized she wasn’t Beru.

So this imposter smiled broadly and waved to Owen, then gave him a 'just a moment’ hand gesture. Beru’s twin sister (I didn’t even know her name) walked up to me completely expressionless and still holding Luke’s hand and discreetly handed me a folded up piece of paper. “This is for you,” were the only words she said to me. Then she walked back to Owen, still holding Luke’s hand, and the three of them left without another word. 

Fuck.

I waited until I got back to my hut before I unfolded the piece of paper that apparently held all the answers to my questions. The letter said:

“My Dearest Ben,  
I just wanted to begin by telling you how much I love you, and how honored I am to have given birth to our child. The time we spent together was magical. However, your being a…the man you are, has always brought excitement, adventure, and extreme danger to your front door. For you, this is unavoidable. You have expressed to me time and time again just how important Luke’s safety is. I can only assume that our child would be of equal importance. Because of this, I have decided to take our child and go into hiding until the time is right. You need not know whether I had a boy or a girl, or where we will be living. The less you know the better. Search your feelings Ben, and you’ll know this to be true. We can’t do anything that will draw attention to us, that includes being together. For the safety of our child we must go back to your original plan. My sister, posing as me, will raise Luke with Owen, and you will watch over Luke as you were always meant to. My sister is tougher than me, and will not take any of Owen’s shit. Since Owen never bothered to really get to know me, it is highly unlikely that he will even notice that I’ve been replaced. Plus, ‘Beru’ will make a wonderful mother. Ben, I’m so sorry that I didn’t inform you of these plans sooner, but it was all done for the safety of our child. Please don’t risk trying to find us. Maybe someday, the three of us will be reunited. Until then, may the Force be with you.  
Love Always,  
B.”

I tossed the letter into the fire. What a piece of shit my life was. I sacrificed EVERYTHING and I still couldn’t catch a break. If I didn’t have the future of the galaxy in my own hands, I wouldn’t think twice about falling on my saber. So instead, I took a walk.

I walked aimlessly for hours until I found myself on the highest dune staring out at setting suns. What was the point of the last four and a half years? Sure I kept Luke alive, but is that all I'm meant to be, a glorified body guard? 

"It's difficult because you're going against your training," a disembodied voice said. 

I turned around and saw the Force ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn. For a moment I fantasized that he took a solid form so I could break his jaw for getting me involved in all this. 

"What do you mean that I'm going against my training?" Part of me didn't care what he had to say. 

"From the time that you were a youngling..."

"When you stole me away from my parents?" I interrupted. 

Qui-Gon continued, completely ignoring my sarcasm, "You were trained to concentrate on the moment."

"And?" I was not in the mood for a lecture. 

"With this mission," Qui-Gon stated, "you need to concentrate on the FUTURE. Therefore, you are at odds with your own beliefs."

"Yeah," I began, "I can understand your logic, but presently, I just don't give a shit."

The rude bastard had disappeared before I finished my sentence. Jeez, I'm really starting to hate this Jedi crap. 

With no other options, I began my long walk back to my hut. Before long I ran into an ocean of red. It was the Tuskens from the Mor'du tribe, the cavern dwellers. From their hostile overtones I could only assume that they blamed me for their chiefs death. They were there to kill me. 

I drew my saber. 

Just a typical day...


End file.
